


The Past Outcast

by SpankedbySpike



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Gen, Hurt John Sheppard, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-23 04:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpankedbySpike/pseuds/SpankedbySpike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John is hurt and supposedly on bedrest but become restless and faces some incertitudes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Past Outcast

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starbuckssue](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=starbuckssue).



Morning came and went. John had woken up early as usual and prepared himself. Closely shaved and with an invigorating shower he thought he’d be ready for a light day of work. However, the festive atmosphere created by the members of the crew was just too cheery for him. The pain on his thighs another reminder that he couldn’t participate in any of the station’s activities and that Rodney was called for duty without him. Just thinking about it and he was pissed…

The problem is that he needed a brace for his leg, he needed to stay in bed rest and he couldn’t figure out what to do alone and somehow incapacitated. The lancing pain added to his wounded pride and reminded him of how he had stupidly gotten hurt again. Dejected, he slowly limped to the technical service area and the empty corridors there, sitting on the steps of the metal stairs, he kept his leg extended in front of him, in the hopes of finding some relief, he could finally allow himself to think.

Rodney was due back sometime today. Sleeping without him had been a harrowing experience. The bed was empty, cold, and too large. John couldn’t even remember how it felt to bunk by himself, to plow through the pain of his injuries, to forget the painful memories plaguing his mind without the indelicate support and shoves he would usually get from his lover.

John was aware of his shortcomings… He couldn’t really express his emotions. He’d never leave someone behind and would die for his team but he’d be caught dead before he said anything to anyone. He loved his solitude or at least he thought he did. He was sure he was self-sufficient until he realized how much he missed his Rodney. So now, John really had to face the changes in his new life.

 

***

 

Rodney was apoplectic. Lorne was taking his sweet time to sweep the area, not ready yet to open the Stargate and let the team go home. He wanted to be with John, sure that the Colonel was climbing the walls stuck in his bedroom, watching paint dry and waiting for his injury to heal. Knowing the man, he couldn’t wait to distract him. And also talk about the incredible samples he was bringing back on base. He could talk for hours about the possibilities… and upset almost all of Atlantis along the way; in other words: have some fun!

Lorne though, enjoyed the off base mission and was in no hurries and that started to piss Rodney a bit. If he had the strength he’d put the young soldier on his lap and spank the living daylights from him, but he was also quite aware of his limitations and wasn’t going to risk to pull a muscle inadvertently.

So he bode his time and was as amiable as possible, which wasn’t much per the standard associated with him. He smiled… He really needed the calming presence of John around him. He could already notice the positive influence on his general attitude, the notable reduction in swearing, and the increased smiles he was getting from co-workers. It had a nice ring to it and Rodney was basking in it.

 

***

 

By the time they made it back to base, Rodney was literally sleep walking. Physically and mentally exhausted he dreamed of his bed, warmed up by a pliant John. Finding their quarters empty was disconcerting, where could his lover be?

Sweaty and tired, Rodney didn’t think twice and called the medical bay, afraid John would have relapsed somehow. However, they had not seen the Colonel so he must be at the command center. Rodney was fuming, he was going to tear them all a new one, for making John move and work when he was supposed to be on bed rest! He stormed the place like a man on a mission and facing all the curious looks he noticed his man still was not there.

He couldn’t understand what was happening… Where the heck was John? He started walking back to their quarters, trying to put himself in John’s shoes, which turned out more complicated than he thought. The man was prone to irrational whims that Rodney would never even fathom. Still, the one thing he loved was challenges and the mechanics of Atlantis, maybe he could walk by the engine room and all the adjacent corridors before calling in the emergency and make everyone look for their friend.

Most of the areas were pitch dark and it took him a while to eliminate the various nooks and crannies that could hide a full grown human body, but as he proceeded to eliminate them all he reached the metal stairway his lover had used and found him asleep against the railing.

The dumbass! He was going to have cricks all over the neck and the back. What the heck? He wanted to grab him and haul him back before exploding but as he went on his knees to be at eye level, he noticed the darken and smudged tear tracks on his lover’s cheeks, the little frown still on his face and that made him take a step back faster than the threat of bodily violence usually does.

His John would never cry, he was strong and good to everyone, what could have Rodney missed that he was miserable enough to come in such a remote place and hide his pain away? What can Rodney do to make things bearable, get things right in his book? He sat next to John and pulled him against his shoulders. Troubled.

“Hi babe.” Mumbled a sleeping John.

“Hey, why are you not in bed?” a little snore answered Rodney question. Obviously John didn’t really realized where he was and went back to sleep.

Rodney was of two minds as to how to proceed. Obviously his partner was exhausted but in good health otherwise. However, he would be much more comfortable in their large bed. After a moment, Rodney nudged John; “Let’s go home, ok?” and he barely got a “mhhh” whispered in response, so he braced himself and pushed underneath his lover’ shoulder, lifting him wasn’t easy but somehow he managed.

Rodney was tired but nothing would have held him back. He was a man on a mission and he walked slowly but surely with his charge towards the place they called home. The trip was slow until he met with Ronon and two of the soldiers heading to the command center. Their friend swept in one easy movement the barely awake Colonel into his arms and inquired: “What are you two doing? You are in no condition to roam around?”

Rodney was miffed that Ronon made it look so easy to carry the weight of his man but relieved that he now only had to deal with his own body and set one foot in front of the other…

“Found him in the galley… Was bringing him home…” he was mumbling too but they were almost there. Opening the door he rushed to the bed and fluffed the bedding. Ronon deposited slowly his groggy commander on the bed and backed up of few paces.

“You guys are going to be okay?” he asked a bit concerned.

“Yes, a good night of sleep and we will be as good as new.” Rodney said pushing their friend out and closing the door with a relieved exhale. Coming back to the bed, he removed John’s boots, opened the button of his pants and covered him before heading to the bathroom; a shower was definitively in order.

 

***

 

Finally refreshed, Rodney came back to the bedroom, with a towel around his midriff and two bottles of water in the hand. Sitting next to the sleepy John, he kissed him slowly until he awoke.

“Hey, you’re back.”

“Yes, and I am not happy with you. What were you doing wandering around?” Rodney forced the open bottle in John’s hand.

 

“Drink a bit, you’re probably dehydrated.”

John sat against the headboard and brought the bottle to his parched lips, finally realizing how thirsty he was. Gulping the water, he was reminded by Rodney to slow down a bit and sip it instead, which really helped. He was fully awake now and finding some painkillers in his lover’s extended hand brought a smile to his drained face.

There was an uncomfortable discussion waiting to happen in the silence that stretched but both lovers were men enough to rough it up and deal with it.

“I’m sorry Rodney. I was just remembering my last Christmas with my Dad, and all the amazing things I have seen and done and can never describe to him. I needed to walk it out and then I started noticing all the times I managed to get hurt, and started thinking you really deserved better than me.” Not once did John look Rodney in the eyes during this confession.

“Are you insane? I’ve never had people look twice at me. They see me as a savant, compare me to a machine, complain about my lack of social skills but no one, and I mean that NO ONE ever bothered with the real me.” A hard look passed between them. “John, you give me strength, when I have none, you drown any fear I may ever have and you love me unconditionally. I don’t even know how to start to express my love for you!”

“Thanks Rodney but my love for you is not in question. I just think that my sense of self preservation is a bit shot if not non-existent and sometimes, looking back, I just see the long and agonizing list of mistakes I made, of people I let slip through my fingers, of those I couldn’t save and without the action of commanding an expedition off world, I kind of drown in those memories.”  
Rodney reached out and cupped John’s cheek. “That’s why you have me. When the memories of the past get to be too much, I’m here to tie you to the present.”

A slow smile began to curl John’s lips as he stared into the earnest eyes of the man he adored. As long as he had Rodney by his side, the past couldn’t hurt him and he could look forward to the future... Whatever it held.

 

And it started with the answering smile splitting Rodney face!

 

The End.

 

Happy New Year Everyone!

 

Thank you for Reading :-)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first SGA story I wrote. I hope it will bring you a bit of happiness in this Holiday Season.
> 
> Request: Sheppard/Mckay for the [7th annual Secret Santa Exchange](http://sheppard-hc.livejournal.com/462155.html) with John feeling alone, hurt, resentful and Rodney is supporting him the best way he can.


End file.
